Issues are an experience of separation that manifests physically, emotionally, psychologically.

The nature of VortexHealing® is about waking up out of those issues. When you do a VortexHealing® session, it's not about just channeling energy at something to make it go away, you're actually bridging awareness into what that issue is, and how it holds you on all of these different levels.

If you want an issue that really models separation, loneliness is a great topic. We once did a survey about what issues people in our community wanted to work on as part of a live event, and loneliness came out towards the top of the list. I was surprised. But when I started researching it, I realized that there is an epidemic of loneliness everywhere. In New York City, where I'm from, loneliness is a tremendous issue. Even though we spend a lot of time together, and there's a new world of social media and continuous interaction, we're losing a sense of what it means to be truly intimate. So many of us are actually quite lonely.

There's a kind of loneliness where you don't have a lot of friends or family, or a partner, and you don't have anywhere to go. And then there's the loneliness where you have all of that, and still feel lonely within it. We still experience that kind of isolation, and it's very difficult to address.

The key to loneliness. It's not about having common interests, it's about feeling seen and connected to.

I can share an interest with you, and even if it's not your interest, you can still meet me and be happy about it. Even if you're not interested in baby animals, which is an interest of mine, you can still meet me in the heart, and say, "look how you light up when you talk about that baby sloth video that you watched." My husband has certain interests that aren't mine, but they make him so happy. And that makes me happy. But it's that willingness to be seen, to meet and be met, and when we don't have that, we get lonely.

Something I've observed as I've looked at this issue, is how in today's culture, with social media and technology, we can be in touch with each other instantly and all over the place, we still feel lonely. In a way that kind of interaction can create kind of a buffer. It can take us out of the moment. It's so socially acceptable these days to check that text. In board meetings, at the dinner table, at a funeral. It's actually become acceptable to check that real quick. It's acceptable to step out of that moment, and we're getting so used to that, that we don't realize what we're missing.

Technology can be a wonderful tool. I can talk to my friend in London, and we can experience our friendship in this new way. At the same time, for all of us at some level, it's also a buffer. We can escape into it as much as we can use it. It's really our choice in how we experience life. Are we going to experience it directly, in presence, or are we going to substitute this?

I love to be alone.

And part of that is because it allows me room to just feel how I feel, and be with how I am without judgement. Some of it is a safety issue, if I'm going to put my cards on the table. Sometimes when I'm with people, because of my own insecurity issues, I have to be 'on'. When I'm alone, I don't have to worry about that. So some of it is just that. But also, when I'm alone I have that chance to breathe, to be in my body. What do I feel like doing right now? I feel like having a cup of coffee. I feel like taking a walk. That power of self reflection is the power of solitude, and the beauty of it. The loneliness is when you don't feel that you're connected. It's the pain of separation.

There are some people who are afraid of being alone too long, I think because they might not want to feel what they're feeling, or they need some kind of self reflection to process where they are.There are many reasons, but you can still feel loneliness in a large group, or with a partner, which is particularly agonizing. It's the shoulds that get you— they'll get you every time. "I'm at a party, this should be great." But when it's not, and we still feel cut off, then that's something to do with us. We have to take a good hard look at where our loneliness is coming from. Where do we want to been seen where we're not seen? Where do we want to connect where we're not connecting? What do we need to do to come out of that?

I had hours as a kid, hanging out by the creek, wandering around the yard, doing nothing in particular except playing with my own imagination. Time is so structured today. There's no room to discover what it means to be alone. Is that entertaining or not? Is it uncomfortable or not? We don't really know anymore, because don't have a lot of that space. Even if we're in a room alone, we have our gadget.

Loneliness has become an epidemic.

I think how you address any issue is first and foremost to realize that you have it and that is is an issue. The danger of any issue is when we become so identified with it, we don't even see it. When we realize that's how we're feeling— that we're feeling disconnected or lonely, then we're in a position to take action. With the culture today, I think a lot of us don't even realize when we're feeling lonely. There's so much activity that can keep you occupied. You have this sense of connecting, and sometimes you really are. There are certainly positive aspects of social media, Facebook and all of these things can be a very powerful tool for transformation, but they can also be an escape. You're communicating with people through tweets, but you're not really connecting. I think we often forget the difference. You can also sort of put stuff out there without taking responsibility for it. I don't think we've learned to be mature with our use of it yet, and it does create this faux sense of connection. It isn't necessarily real connection.

With loss, there's going to be an element of loneliness of course. Just missing that person. But we also experience a certain level of validation through other people, and we get used to that, and then when that's gone, we have to take that time to say, "What am I feeling now? Who am I now?" Compared to who I was. What's going on now?

There's a lot of pressure to find a partner, because we imagine that if we have a partner, we'll be happy.

And maybe we are, if we're blessed and have a healthy relationship, but it has to start with us. We can't turn to someone else to make us happy. And if we're lonely ourselves, we're going to be lonely with a partner. You can't expect another person to fix your loneliness. You have to address that separation pain in yourself, and not expect someone else to fix it. That's what our issues are, they're an experience of separation, and getting awareness into that can be tough. If the tools are used properly, they bring your awareness into that, but we all experience separation, it's the nature of being in form.

When we come back to intimacy— not intimacy in a relationship, but intimacy with life, it's really the divine recognizes itself through form. And that's why you can have a beautiful moment of intimacy even without an extensive personal history. You can laugh with a stranger in the grocery checkout line over a dropped avocado, and share a nice moment of connection.

It's scary to be vulnerable, but if you have the courage to go there, that's really the only way to connect.

The only way to have intimacy, and to deal with that loneliness, is that open heart. You can't work around that. So, putting yourself out of the way, putting your issues down enough to open your heart, that can be really hard, but there's no other way around it. We are really afraid to be vulnerable, and that's why social media and all of that can be a comfortable buffer. We can kind of do it, but not have to do it all the way. And then we forget what it really looks and feels like.

All of this work comes back to putting everything down in order to realize who you really are in this moment. Presence is the master healer at the end of the day. So we have tools, we work on our issues, we work on our conditioning, but it's all to come back here. Right here. Right now. And continuously reassess the here and now.

Vulnerability is actually a strength, not a weakness. We don't experience it as a strength, because it's scary to go there, but when we're actually there, it's great strength.

You can't really talk about loneliness without talking about the need to connect, and the need for intimacy.

What came up was how scary it is to be vulnerable. It is our greatest strength, and also our greatest fear. To be seen in our totality is a terrifying thing, and yet it's the only way. And the strength comes from a willingness to be seen, to be comfortable with ourselves so that we're not dependent on someone else to validate our experience of ourselves. That fear of rejection runs so deep for us, and I think so many of us give the world mixed signals. We want to connect, but we also keep our secret parts hidden. You can see this, but don't see this. We give the world mixed signals. To put that all down, and to be present and vulnerable, is a tall order, but then that's our work.

We put great effort into how we want others to see us, don't we?

When people post things on social media, they don't really post about what they're doing in the moment, they post about how they want to be seen. They post the image of how they hope the world will take them in. It's always a little more glamorous, a little more fun-loving. We put a lot of effort into the image we project to the world, and then it creates a gap with how we're actually experiencing ourselves to be. And then on some level, if we're going to be honest, so many of us feel like a fraud. With shame, we create this faux sense of self that you put out. One of two things happens: either the world doesn't buy it, and you look like an idiot, or the world does buy it, and you don't feel in integrity in some way.

One of the many reasons I'm so grateful for my dear husband is that he sees my potential, and he believes in me, but he also sees my issues. I'm not getting away with anything there. And he accepts those and loves those as part of me, while supporting me through them. You can't ask for better than that. And even so, as a human being, I struggle with my stuff.

What an amazing thing, if we could all do for each other, a balance between (with love) calling someone on their stuff, but not judging them for having it. It's a fine line.

Can we have that kind of vulnerability and sharing and use it to come together as opposed to creating distance.

I think a big part of loneliness, especially around the holiday season, is when we see our crowd, there's a pressure to put an image forth, "I'm doing great." That creates a buffer, even if that image is accurate. Even if you're as successful as you want to project yourself to be, we still have this habit of projecting this image to the world, and it's just an image. Can we actually just drop that and be?

One of my best New Year's Eves ever was one spent alone. I actually gave myself permission to not see anyone, and I lived in a small West Village apartment. I spent the night watching the Star Trek marathon, and cleaning out my apartment (such a Virgo thing) and getting rid of old stuff. It was a great sense of detachment. I felt free to feel. I really had a great time. New Year's Eve is such a high pressure holiday, and it was just me and my cat. It was great.

That choice to clean out the refrigerator or watch the Star Trek marathon- it brings us back to what we were saying earlier about the difference between loneliness and being alone. The power and strength that come from solitude. I would have been far more lonely if I had been in some crowd, trying to project some image, to do something that just didn't feel in integrity. Being in presence is being in integrity. And being honest about what is happening in the moment. And that's where all of this stuff comes back to.

I've been thinking a lot about New Year's resolutions. I notice that what I did when I made New Year's resolutions, they weren't so much about what I wanted to accomplish, they were more about the person I wanted to become. Lose weight. Learn this so you can do that. Deal with this issue so you can be that. It's not that that's bad per se, but can that be used to circle back and see what's really going on with me? Why do I feel that I need to become this other person? Does that reflect who I am, only better, does it reflect myself in integrity? Can we use it as an opportunity to look at ourselves and ask, "what am I now? Am I okay with who I am now?" Can we use it as an opportunity to see where we're not okay with ourselves?

Writing is a very helpful reflective tool. A gratitude list is a wonderful thing. What do I have right here, right now, that I'm grateful for? There are many things, if we're willing to take a look at that.

It's hard to get out of a lonely moment, because we don't fee like we're seen or connected, and it can easily spiral into deeper isolation.

Sometimes we can act through it, and put on a faux happy personality, or sometimes we really do just go into isolation and hide out.

Often the things we love the most, we take for granted. It's okay to be lonely. Everyone has moments of loneliness. Don't struggle with it, don't judge it, don't decide it should be something else. For me, the struggle has been an avoidance technique. It almost takes me out of where I need be. Having a story about not being okay with feeling how I'm feeling— that can distract from just dealing with the issue directly. Put that down, be okay with how you're feeling, and then from a place of compassion for yourself, pick up the phone, open up your journal. Take a moment of self assessment. How am I feeling in this moment? What is in integrity for me?

Issues are shared. There's an African proverb I stumbled across: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go farther, go together." The fact that we can discuss these things with people who have shared the experience means the world. Issues are universal.